It was well into the morning hours one spited summer’s night when Wind to the Gulf was walking home alone from a friend’s shack on the mainland. He’d intended to spend the night but the neighbors at the shack had called the police (describing the 3 a.m. scene next door as “riotous and not entirely human”) and maniacally desperate to avoid police interaction at all costs, he scrammed. He stayed in the shadows of back alleys and avenues, a practiced lurker from years miring in true urban criminality in D.C. The night was heavy with humidity; sweat darkened his torn jean shorts, ran down his neck and back to be sopped by his premature saltcolored mullet. When he came to the Brooks Bridge that led back across to his island home, he eased his stride. They would not come this far to look.
When he came to the crest of the small bridge he paused, and looked down the length of the Sound stretching eastward, past the rest of Fort Walton, into Mary Esther, eventually Navarre. The dusky lights of the Redneck Riviera shone chrome along the dark shores. And over the top of the hotels on the island, through the parting fog, he could just barely see the Gulf, lying flat and black and placid beneath the moon, and it appeared, as such things always did to him, not quite real.
As he turned to continue walking he saw a figure approaching, and with some alarm noted that it was the Gothic teenager from his street, the girl without a family. She did turn her eyes to him, just the briefest of flickers, and strode by without a word. He turned to watch her disappear back into the fog, the red ember of her cigarette glowing between her fingers. She did not turn. He scratched his chest hair and was sad for a moment. Then he walked away.
There has been much buzz lately about major media outlets erroneously reporting the news. Fox and CNN both botched the Supreme Court decision on Obamacare, and last week NBC horrified the millions when it tried to say that Neil Young had died, not Neil Armstrong.
But perhaps the confusion came from a mix of events. Neil Armstrong was equated with Neil Young because he sings “Needle and the Damage Done,” which applies to a different Armstrong. NBC was thinking about Lance being doped to the gills and got to humming themselves some Neil Young. Before they could snap out of it, bam: they tell the world Neil Young is dead.
"If your brother, the son of your father or of your mother, or your son or daughter, or the spouse whom you embrace, or your most intimate friend, tries to secretly seduce you, saying, “Let us go and serve other gods,” unknown to you or your ancestors before you, gods of the people surrounding you, whether near you or far away, anywhere throughout the world, you must not consent, you must not listen to him; you must show him no pity, you must not spare him or conceal his guilt. No, you must kill him, your hand must strike the first blow in putting him to death and the hands of the rest of the people following. You must stone him to death, since he has tried to divert you from Yahweh your God…"
One of the most horrific passages in the Bible. If this was written in any other type of book (philosophical, political, etc.) we would all say it was immoral. But with religion, one can get away with worshiping a text that commands you to kill.
"Do you consult your dentist about your heart condition?"
Quote from a letter signed by 38 world-renown climate researchers as a rebuttal to the widely bashed op-ed published by the Wall Street Journal on January 27th, entitled “No Need to Panic About Global Warming.” Rhesus macaques are happy to add their name beneath these 38 humans to the list of species protesting the op-ed. The incisive response, linked below, correctly categorizes the op-ed’s allegations as tantamount to consulting your “dentist about your heart condition.” Indeed, the op-ed was “signed” by such notable dignitaries in the climate research field as former Senators, Astronauts, and Astrophysicists.
The opinion of QR: While it was admirable of WSJ to publish the aforementioned rebuttal, the original letter demonstrates a startling ignorance and a deliberately manipulative use of big names and a big platform to give credence to one of the more despicable political maneuvers employed in world affairs today. While we submit that humans tend to extremes when it comes to defending the legitimacy of climate change theories, we largely excuse this hyperbole due to the incredible inanity of many detractors. At the same time, we would like to encourage climate scientists and activists alike to employ a more diplomatic stance: rhetoric should be science-based, nobly ignore ignorance in favor of the higher ground, and should never descend into the petty name-calling that distracts from the focus of the conversation. “Like fair access to rainforest banannas, we do not view climate change as a political issue,” noted one Brazillian capuchin monkey over email Monday night.
Like others of his group, this Brazillian capuchin monkey does not consult his pediatrician about his gambling problem.
"Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere."
— Martin Luther King, Jr., Letter from a Birmingham Jail. Happy birthday MLK!
"It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man."
— H. L. Mencken
"It seems to me that the god that is commonly worshipped in civilized countries is not at all divine, though he bears a divine name, but is the overwhelming authority and respectability of mankind combined."
Henry David Thoreau, A Week on the Concord and Merrimack Rivers
Though highly spiritual, mountain monkeys ascribe to no organized faith, citing irreconcilable differences. One source that wished to remain anonymous pointed to a “crushing of natural curiosity” inherent in modern religion. The quoted primate said to limit the search for god to a single book or a single hall of devotion was akin to tasting only the yellowest bananas. “External appearance and heresay are never good indicators,” she said. “Such is the rhesus community’s quarrel with exclusionary dogma and yellow bananas alike.” Copies of Thoreau’s “Walking” and “Wild Fruits” are reportedly staple texts on a habitat shelf.